As you wake up one hot summer morning and feel the need to console your throbbing head, the want for a tender massage and the undying desire to feel good. The night before was amazing, the oblivion of yesterday was breath taking. But its over now. Now you need sleep, now you need rest, now you need a aspirin, and now is when you need it the most for there are no other legal substances to save your day from becoming a blend of staring into nothingness and aimless gazing at stars that aren't there. Some say we live for freedom some say we live for religion, but right now we live to feel good and when something like the absence of a drug stands in the way of a "normal day" we start to get pissed off! You wish you had some way to take the uncomfortable feeling away but your pathetic head won't let you do anything about it.
Here is what I did, and I wish to share it with you.
When I woke up the pain didn't hit me right away, it crept up slowly and slyly seeking to catch me unprepared. But since I'm the cunning being that I am I was able to sniff out its presence right away. That dull ache in the back of my neck, the cranky feeling behind my ear, the fast paced blood rushing through the triple vein split on my forehead. I stumbled out of bed in a daze searching for water, WATER. I found that all curing compound and drank greedily of it, then I ran to a more abundant source and doused myself with a sufficient amount of cool refreshing agua. This of course caused the ache to come in full force, relieved that the nasty living pain had at last showed itself. Stumbling as I walked out of the rest room, I proceeded to the kitchen where I tremblingly made myself a cold cup of thick bitter coffee and poured it violently down my throat. Desperately trying everything I could do to save my day, soon I ran out of ideas so I decided to take a nap and blackout into that great abyss. When I woke up a knew he was still there, "he" as in the stupid hang-over. Sadly and remorsefully I gave in to it, and tried to ignore that giant pain in the ass by playing table tennis for the rest of the day.
Thus ends the account of my unsuccessfully attempt to wage warfare with a never resting foe.
-Jm
2 comments:
I suffer the headache.
How come the simplest solution for the classic hangover is never remembered? There is only one fuck it, and there are so few people that know about it or do it.
Well let's just see...who can tell me what a hangover really is?
Blank. "Er...a pounding headache and..ah..trembling hands? Rushing blood? Oh I know! I know! Everyone knows. It's what you get the morning after you get wasted. And fucked."
Alcohol dehydrates. It sucks the moisture out of you like you suck an oyster out of its shell. Your head is left with thick blood coursing sluggishly through your thoroughly inebriated brain, which causes the blinding headache, blurry eyes, and the ultimately deadpan, grouchy disposition. No point drinking gallons of water when you wake up; your body is already dehydrated and the dreaded hangover has wrapped itself amorously around your painful senses.
So, the solution is (for all juvenile alcohol-guzzlers...your average crinkled veteran in that pub down the street will know these elementary things): when you arrive back at a house, could be yours or your friend's or your friend's friend that you don't know from jack shit, before collapsing in bed in a drunken heaving stupor punctuated by violent, painful, projectile-vomit sessions, pour a pint of water down your seething throat-- at the least. Two will be even more efficient; but again, for the persons that have sprouted their first pubic hair, two pints of water mixed with all the shit you have been pouring down your throat all night will probably get you heaving over the sink. Oh well. Might as well try. Just saturate yourself with water and then go to bed, that's right, crawl into that utterly unfamiliar bed with that kind gibbering stranger who so thoughtfully helped you get home and offered you to stay at his place. Someone might join you in the bed at some point in the night, maybe more than a few someones, but that's alright, it's the fever of the night.
Then again, there are precious few people that actually manage to do this in such a situation. Works for me, in any case.
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